21!

Creative, Pineapple, Cat, Car, Hand, Surrealism, Clock. Mob.org

It’s 3:03 am and I’m here contemplating if I really have to do this or not. I’ve been experiencing a block lately which might be due to the anxiety that comes with days like this. But I couldn’t get myself back to sleep so let me just ramble about a few things.

I might be a lil edgy at times but I believe in the significance of birthdays. I believe they are something novel, and unprecedented. A chance to try again and a reminder that you have a purpose in the universe.

In recent years, I’ve not been having great birthdays. I wish things were better but I am still thankful for growth, no matter how little. I’m still scared of life’s uncertainties and the misfortunes that accompany them. I fear that I might waste that chance to start afresh, due to one reason or the other. I’m scared that I do not want to cruise through life without properly enjoying every moment. I’m scared that I’ll finally understand the fleeting nature of relationships, and when it’s time, I’ll be left with no choice but to let go even while it hurts.

There’s also the constant routine of comparison. As much as I try to regulate my social media, I still find myself seeping in information that ends up confecting discontent and ingratitude. Most times, this leads to fatigue and the inability to be productive. But I’ve come to realize that everyone is unique, as our paths, skills, and abilities vary. This means trying to evaluate myself in light of the achievement of others will do nothing but damage me more. Since life is not a race, my aim should be to do better than yesterday…

…taking one step at a time.

Today, I’m 21 and I do not want to be scared anymore. I do not want to allow the nebulous nature of life to keep me from executing my plans. We all know planning can be easy; many times, heavy is the hand that seeks to execute. I do not want to be scared of execution because of the fear of failure. In fact, I’m permitting myself to fail sometimes. In a bid to be better, I will not subdue myself to tremendous pressure anymore. I am just another human and it’s okay to fail sometimes.

I’m 21 and I will not be allowing my fear to limit the way I care for people in my life anymore. A better friend, a better sibling. Hard lol but I’m going to try. As everyone else should. Our relationships are important, it is these people that makes the journey of life bearable.

I am 21 today and I’ll not let comparison steal my joy. So, my heart will glow when I see my friends, acquaintances or even colleagues achieve great feats. Also, I don’t want to wallow in the misery that comes with making my wins look small. Challenges are scary, but I’m 21(I’m actually teary right now urgh. I’ll finish this though). I’ve understood that there will be moments when life experiences will displace my stance on hope, causing me to fall flat on my face, this might even come more often than not. I will focus on getting up as I wipe my tears. So I guess I’ll be fine.

3:57 A.M now and I’m drowsy. I didn’t say much. I have a lot to say but…. I think I might become incoherent. At this point, my letters are likely to get mixed up.

Anyways, cheers to the breaking of a new dawn and hopefully, it’s a Happy Birthday for me. :)